And so they start...

There are more to come, but it is always hard to gauge when it is the right time to send them out...then I figured, "Hell, we have a sense of humour down here, so buggar it!"

In the latest news from Christchurch......

It is understood mayor Bob Parker has just asked Maori for all the blankets and muskets back, because the land was faulty.

Don't think we're getting the beers back though...

The Innocence of Kids...

This was emailed to me and is a collection of kid's comments about the ocean...there are some priceless ones in here, but I am susprised there are no "seaman" jokes. The last one to me is the best...only becuase this happened to me (well, not married, but engaged)...

   1)  - This is a picture of an  octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)
   
   2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls.  (Jerry, age  6)
  
   3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you  are an island.  If you don't have ocean all round you, you are  incontinent.                   (age  7)
   

  4) - Sharks are  ugly and mean, and  have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson She's not my  friend any  more.             (Kylie, age  6)
  
   5) - A dolphin  breaths through an  asshole on the top of its head.  (Billy, age  8)
  
   6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with  2 other men and a  woman and pots and comes back with crabs.  (Millie,  age  6)
  
   7) - When ships  had sails, they  used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when  the wind  didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come.  My   brother said they would have been better off eating beans.   (William,  age 7)
  
   8) -  Mermaids live in the ocean. I  like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like  their shiny tails, but how on  earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like,  really?   (Helen, age  6)
  
   9) - I'm not going to write about the  ocean. My baby  brother  is a always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my  Mom, and my big sister  has just got pregnant, so I can't think  what to write. (Amy, age  6)
  
   10) - Some fish  are dangerous.  Jellyfish can sting.  Electric eels can give you a shock.  They have to  live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug  themselves in to  chargers. (Christopher, age  7)
  
   11) - When you  go swimming in the  ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my wily small.  (Kevin, age  6)
  
   12)  - Divers have to be safe when  they go under the water.  Divers can't go  down alone, so they have to go  down on each other.  (Becky, age  8)
  
   13) - On  vacation my Mom went  water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast.  She says she  won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass..  (Julie,  age 7)
  
   14)  - The ocean is made up of  water and fish.  Why the fish don't drown I don't know.  (Bobby, age  6)
  
   15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean  He knows all  about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit  being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!

  =============== 
Customer:   Hi,  this is Celine ... I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing  the Button?
Customer:   Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech  support:   That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer:   No , wait a minute. I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry... =============== 
Tech  support:  ;   Click  on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer:    Your left or my left? =============== 
Tech  support:   Good  day. How may I help you?
Male  customer:   Hello.. I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on  'start'  for me and....
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.. 
 =============== 
Customer:   Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find  printer'  I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it. ==============
Customer: I have  problems printing in red..
Tech  support:   Do you have a color printer?
Customer:   Aaaah....................thank you. =============== 
Tech  support:   What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer:   A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11. =============== 
Customer: My keyboard  is not working anymore.
Tech  support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't  get behind the computer.
Tech  support:   Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: !   OK
Tech support: Did the  keyboard come with you?
Customer:  Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard  is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah that one does work.. ============= 
Tech  support:   Your password is the small letter 'a' as in  apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital  letters ? 
=============== 
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support:   Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure I saw my colleague do it.
Tech  support:   Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots. 
 =============== 
Tech  support:   What  anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer. =============== 
Customer:    I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. =============== 
Tech support:   How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech support:   OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it? =============== 
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.' =============== 
And last but not least... 
 Tech  support: 'Okay Bob, let's  press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program  Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech  support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on  your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT! Tech  support:   What kind of computer do you have? Customer:   A  white one...