Ford or Holden?

For those of you outside the Antipodes, this may not mean much, but here Down Under it would be one of the biggest debates going round, and reaches frenzy point every October with the Great Race at Mt Panorama in Bathurst. It blows away any of that rubbish oval track racing that goes on in the States, and as the saying goes, "Win on Sunday, Sell on Monday". And with sections of the track named "Hell Corner", "Conrod Straight", and "The Chase", you just know it is one heck of a track - I would dearly love to take a bike round it.

Peter Brock - undisputed King of the
Mountain - RIP

Bathurst - second only to the Melbourne Cup
for attention Down Under

For me, it used to be always Holden, but I have mellowed of late to actually have one of each in my stable. I am especially fond of older Fords like the 70s XRs and XTs, XWs and XYs, and XA through XC...but of course, Holden were always there with their classics - Kingswoods, Monaros, Toranas, and ultimately Commodores.

Iconic Kingswood Ute



One of the greatest cars ever - GT-HO

So, the battle rages on, and it can get spiteful, but I think anyone who drives Aussie Muscle is OK in my books.

East Cape Bike Run (Pt II of III) - 2007

Here is the second instalment of photos and comments from a ride a few years ago with a couple of mates.On this section we rode through the Waioeka Gorge on the way to Gisborne - this is listed as one of the best rides to do in NZ, and I have done it four times now (twice with Rob, once on the way to Cold Duck and once alone) and love it. While it doesn't have the 'speed' of say SH16 or Lake Hawea, it's twists and turns are great riding, and sits alongside Mt Aspiring National Park as my top rides.

Above: the boys arrive in Gisborne on the East Coast. We popped into the Council's Information Centre for some ideas on what and where we should go and how long to get to Hick's Bay (3hrs-ish) and they recommended to stop at the pier in Tologa Bay...but they hinted that we should not let our bikes out of our view as they would be 'gone' within minutes! Nice piece of advice to sell your region! We experienced a little bit of rain out of Gisborne, but north of Tologa Bay it was beautiful.

 Above left: Tologa Bay Pier looking back from the end - we rode the bikes out to the end after the advice given in Gisborne. the photo doesn't do it justice, but it's quite bloody long!

Above right: bikes parked at the end of the pier - Steve checks out someone looking suspicious.

 Above: more piccies of the bikes on Tologa Bay pier. At 660m in length, it is NZ's longest pier. Construction was started in 1926 and took about three years to complete. It now is at risk of being surrendered to the ocean and I believe there is a group looking to save it.



The boys looking pretty happy that their bikes weren't stolen.



In one of the stupidest Lawsuits of late...

You're kidding, right?

via Twitter, this guy should become President of State the Bloody Obvious!

Book Review...Red November by W. Craig Reed

In the vein of "Hunt for Red October",
a good non-fiction parallel.

In a new addition to my blog, I will post some reviews of books I have read...I try to read a book a week (sans Finch from "The Office" whether it be Asterix, history, bios, fiction or otherwise... my preference is towards historical references, especially covering the World Wars (esp. naval), music, sport, and humour. On the sidebar of my blog there is a link to www.librarything.com which is a Facebook for Bookworms and I do review some of the better (and worst) books there.

So, Red November is my most recent accomplishment. This is a great read that may have some artistic license to it, but that does not detract from the overall roller-coaster ride of the book, nor likely makes the story seem too fantastical. The involvement of the author (and his father) into submarine history helps lend some weight to this book.

From the early beginnings of ASW (Anti-Submarine Warfare) during WWII to The Cold War covert ops, this book does stray a little off the beaten track but drags you right back in with eyewitness accounts of those who served on US and Russian subs on their missions to have the ascendancy in nuclear destruction...and in some chapters (Cuban Missile Crisis, Ivy Bells) you just begin to realise how close the world was to coming to an end. The stories of the raising of a lost Russian sub, and the US obsession of photographing a Victor III 'pod' and it's consequence stand out for me.

This makes Clancey's "Hunt for Red October" seem so accurate, when even as a serving Officer of the Navy, I rubbished a lot of the 'facts' of the movie.

A must for any warfare boffin, or conspiracy theorist...but whether you have any knowledge into naval goings-on or not, this book will be an easy read as some of the terms and acronyms (the military is full of them!) do not have you wondering what the hell is going on.

I give this book a 4 out of 5.

Russian Project 641 ( NATO designation "Foxtrot") submarine - it is
amazing how close we came to world obliteration due to the actions of
four such vessels during the Cuban Missile Crisis in the '60s

East Cape Bike Run (Pt I of III) - 2007

This was a run that me and my mate, Rob Anderson, did first in 2006, and the following year had another rider who we met at Wanganui Bike Races the year before, Steve Riley, join us.
It started with the "Coromandel Loop", then through the Waioeka Gorge via Steve's bach in Thorndon , around East Cape via Hicks Bay, and through the Bay Of Plenty back to Auckland.

Me; Suzuki SV1000S
Rob; Ducati 749S
Steve; Honda CB1300

Sorry about the sequence of photos.

 

Above Left; Rob's Duke and Black Night outside McDonald's, Papakura.

Above Right; quick stop at Tapa, western Coromandel.

Left; lunch at Vibe's (highly recommended Big Breakfast!)Whangamata, eastern Coromandel. Note Steve's 'street-fighter' mods to his Honda.

 Above Left; the bikes take up residence outside Steve's bach in Thorndon. Steve's bike suffered a rear puncture sometime about now coming back from dinner in Whakatane which made for a harrowing ride back into town for repairs the following morning.

Above Right; lunch in Tauranga.

 Above Left; the boys outside Steve's bach. Above Right; dinner in Whakatane, mediocre really.

 Part II to come - photos from Gisborne and Tologa Bay to feature.

Big Mac or Quarter Pounder?

Mine have never looked like this!

Definately Quarter Pounder!

Between QP and Big Whopper with Cheese though? Tough call....I may have to do some field work on that one and get back to you.

Normal view of my QP..the caption for this pic on
Google was "normally seen eaten by large people!".

Animal Farm

Animals, animals, animals, animals...everywhere!!!

I have had a lot of pets over the years...a couple of mongrel dogs called Bill (not much thought into their name obviously), a cat called Smokey comes to mind, a Budgie whose name escapes me (if I did in fact name it), and briefly, some cockabullies I caught in the Blythe River when I was young.


I love animals, and strongly support the SPCA to the point where I won't give to other charities as people (to an extent) have the ability to speak up, defend themselves, and have more support services to lean on than animals do...the SPCA is in my will to receive my whole estate should the tragic event of me, my wife, and our two kids were to be erased...let's hope not eh?


Anyways......I currently have in my stable of fine steeds...

 



Scuz and Tash - probably
waiting for dinner





Scuz, three days after what transpired
to be a White Tail bite

• Scuzzy - American Staffy X, about 10 years old now, my little baby. I inherited her from a friend when I managed a farm in Auckland as he 'found' her as she wandered through his fence from a property of disrepute...I was concerned as I had many small animals and a lot of kids visiting my farm at the time so was concerned for the reputation this breed has. But to prove me wrong, and many others since, this is the best, most loyal dog you can get.
• Tash - a 1 year old Black Lab, who is your stereotypical Labrador!!!! When we moved to CHCH from Auckland, it seemed Scuzzy didn't transition so well despite having 2 acres to run, so we discussed getting a companion. At the Oxford Markets one Sunday, a lady selling food no less, had two Black Lab pups and Katie fell in love! By the time we got back home she was on the phone buying her. She moved in Xmas day last year and our eldest daughter (5 at the time) said "Look! One of the reindeer has had a baby and left it for us!". Priceless. Due to Tash we did get to 'meet' most of our new neighbours....
 



Frydhey & Sydney -
no doubt waiting for dinner

 



Frydhey, just checking if it is
dinner time yet



• Frydhey (aka Black Frydhey) - black and white tom, getting near on 15 years now, still sprightly and seemingly healthy. Brother of...
• Sydney - tortoise shell that came from the SPCA in Auckland. I admit I am more of a cat person, they have an air of grace, while giving off an attitude. They don't need as much attention, and they are great comfort as they lay beside on you on the couch (sofa to you Americans) or on the bed. She-Indoors doesn't let them have that privilege anymore. These two got their names from an incentive my work was holding at the time. I was in Used Car Sales, and the incentive was to hit personal target three months in a row to get a trip to Sydney paid for for two. This coincided with me wanting to fly over for my dad's 50th and he lived in Sydney, and I had booked the flights for Friday the Thirteenth, hence Black Frydhey (look, it's my cat, I will spell it how I want).

• Somewhere in the region of 100 fish - colds and tropicals - these can be viewed on www.WetDreamz.co.nz.

In memoriam...or just lost contact.

• Smokey - cat I had when I was about 10 in Cheviot. MIA. Notable achievement, dragging a bloody big possum onto our front lawn it had seemingly killed. Took on an air of that psycho cat in Pet Semetary.
• Unnamed Budgie - about the same time. Dead. No great loss, didn't do much anyway.
• Various tadpoles and cockabullies taken form the creek on the farm. Died horrible deaths as I didn't know how to care for them. Sorry. Started my fascination with fish though...I know, tadpoles aren't fish!!!
• Lucy - short-haired Collie I had as sheep dog in Auckland. Had her for a year, but when I left the farm it wasn't fair to keep her in the 'burbs, so we sold her. She was a good girl.
• Bill I - German Shepherd when we first moved to Cheviot. Don't really remember much of him, I was a tot.
• Bill II - mongrel dog we owned in Cheviot which had a skill of slipping his collar and disappearing for the day. After it was found he had killed a lamb in the back blocks, his fate was sealed.
• Pete and Tan - eye dogs for shed work and tailing. Classic old workers. Miss you.
• Clayton & Jock - huntaways for working the back blocks. Great big old buggars. Miss you too.
• Moss - semi-huntaway and semi-shed worker. shaggy thing that required to be shorn with sheep. Don't miss you so much.
• Samoyed - can't remember the name - bought it for a girlfriend...geez, the bloody thing didn't stop yapping. She gave it back, and I sold it to a breeder.
• Lucy - short-haired Border Collie - my sheep dog when working at Mt Albert Grammar. Great working dog, and pet. Sold her when I left the farm as it is not fair to have this breed in the 'burbs.
• Itchy - Kune Kune (Potbelly) pig - was the runt of a litter from a sow I had at Mt Albert Grammar. Hand reared it and it became a pet. It used to come through the dog door for feeding, went to cricket matches with me, and used to chase and fetch a ball too! Gave him away to a friend who owned some acreage in Sth Auckland where at last news was definately no runt.
• Scotty The Highland Bull (original name huh?) - was the resident celebrity at Mt Albert. Huge bastard of a thing, he was docile enough to let kids sit on his back. I remember once at home and my young girl said that Scotty was 'out'. When I looked out the window, he had picked the steel frame gate off the hinges and bent it in half in order for some 'rutting'!!! Hairy attempts to get him back in! He was old to a mate when he started getting too old and tetchy, and was sold to the works.
• Warney - Wessex pig - was donated to Mt Albert from Auckland Zoo as he was too big to reside there. He was NZ's largest pig. I named him this as a local bakery provided me crates of expired pies and pasteries - "who ate oll the pies?" Shot by local pig hunter - I was gutted (so was he).
• Dennis - my Pleco. The longest living fish I ever had. Came with me through three house moves over a few years, but his travel bag popped on the final move south to CHCH last year. RIP buddy.
• Dr. Seuss - Black Moor (cold water fish) - strictly my daughter's fish, but as she didn't look after it, it may as well have been mine. He survived the move down here, but got sick (unknown condition) and he had to take the final flush goodbye.

Cricket Stats...

Shane Warne I may not be...except for the TXT, smoking, drinking, and general larrikin-ing about.

But here are some stats I found on my cricket career covering my time with the Avondale Cricket Club, The Mighty Centurians, and more recently, Swannanoa Cricket Club. I think there was too much cricket in my drinking!

Avondale Cricket incl. Mighty Centurions - Scroll down to Club Statistics/AllTime/List Of Players, and finally select Ozzy (I kept telling them it is Aussie!

Mighty Centurions

Swannanoa Cricket - Note: I also wrote the Code of Conduct for this club, however it must be duly noted that the version that appears on the website is not a true depiction of what I originally wrote up thanks to it being "Catholicised' by Timmy Fulton!

Unfortunately records of my career post Avondale were lost in the Armageddon of '02, but included a few seasons with Takapuna 1 Day 2's (where even in my late 20s I was the oldest by years!), and Rep and Senior cricket with Hurunui, North Canterbury and Cheviot. I can tell you, highest score was 36 for Cheviot Seniors, and best bowling is shared between 4 for 4 off 4 against Hawerden (spin) in my first ever game, and 7 for 21 off 7 against Kaikoura (medium LH inswingers).

You will note that I have taken a single stumping - I will leave the telling of this ditty to my mate Mike Batten who was the bowler in this instance.

Ashes 2006 - Melbourne Cricket Ground

At Akld Airport, Xmas Day

Me and a mate, Mike Batten had always talked about heading over to the Boxing Day Test in Melbourne, and in 2006 we did so. We flew out of Auckland on Xmas Day (after a few Xmas drinks at Warren Stewart's place) and the following day were sitting amongst 90,000 other spectators.

Now, this is like a religious gathering each year, but this year was special - Shane Warne was sitting on 699 Text wickets, and we wanted to be there when he got 700. Here is the photo diary of those two days.

We flew Emirates and the flight was uneventful until we were about half an hour from landing. A lady somewhere behind us had become quite ill, and to the point where she collapsed and had an involuntary movement. We were given priority landing and she was taken off the flight and then we followed. I remember being disgusted by other passengers taking photos of the woman...



Off the train and to the MCG



While we were taken to the hotel, it started pissing down and we were worried that our entire trip would be wasted, but the cabbie set us at ease by saying that the forecast was for better weather the following day and the test was expected to start on time. The big talk in town was whether the world record for a test crowd would be broken - I think it stood at a shade over 90,000, and there were indications that 98,000 to 100,000 could be done...

Being Xmas night, we couldn't find anywhere to eat. Funny the things that stick in your mind?

The next day was better (photos show the conditions) and we caught the train into the city with a stop outside the MCG. We were also meeting a work colleague of mine, Will Cavanagh who was doing The Ashes with some Pommie mates of his.



Two batting legends...



I do my best to hold the statue upright





A few beers were bought and we waited in anticipation for the teams - Aussie had won the toss and put England in...perfect, we would see Warnie bowl today, and likely before lunch.

The air is thin up here

I remember Brett Lee bowling, and the din inside the stadium, I remember thinking that it was crazy that we could only buy mid-strength beer, IN AUSSIE?!?! The queues were long, we were buying the maximum each and taking them back to our seats, but they never lasted long...

Like a bad joke - there was an Aussie, a Kiwi, a West Indian
and some Poms...



The crowd never did build to the expected 100,000, but I tell you what, with close to 90,000 the feel, the buzz, and the sound was amazing! I think about 88,000 watched that day's play.

The Aussies warm up



Shane's first delivery







First of many appeals - not out.



Then the moment arrived - Warnie was bowling. The anticipation was immense, and every ball got an oooh or ahhhh, and every appeal was met with a massive roar, and then even bigger boos aimed at the umpires when given not out. England were actually doing very well, if they had lost a wicket, it was only one, and they were scoring quite well on a green top, and even Warney appeared to struggle to get anything out of it.

Then, sort of out of nowhere, it happened. Strauss, England Captain, bowled by Shane Warne to give him 700 wickets! The reaction by him and the team was a spectacle in itself, and the noise from all who witnessed it went on, and on, and on...I think the applause lasted a good five minutes, and Warnie lapped up every second of it.

The moment - Warne lower left

Shane holds the ball up...yeah, not a bad effort I s'pose



For the sponsor...



Who the fuck is the guy on the right?????





The following day, all of us, despite having tickets decided to spend the day in local bars to watch the game. Aussie were batting at one point through the day but were in trouble - cometh the hour, cometh the man. Andrew Symonds, who was on tenterhooks for his selection, made a fantastic century which saved face for him and for Aussie. Everywhere we went there were Poms. And some of the stories about there trips Down Under were great to listen to...the one that springs to mind was the older guy who believed he wouldn't have a home to return to as his wife threatened divorce if he went on this trip...well, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do...

In Confederation Square they had set up the big screen for public viewing.

Me, Warney and Haydo

Mike, someone's behind you...

Anyway, it all had to end sometime. Me and Mike stayed that night in the airport rather than spend money on a hotel...and soon back to hum drum of domestic life back in little old NZ. We have threatened to do the trip again, but nothing eventuated. I know Mike was keen for the India tour Down Under as his hero Tendulkar would be there, but seeing as Warney (and some other big names) had retired and the team didn't hold the same lustre.

Just like he was at work...

The Mighty Gee...

Wannabe...

Music videos, TV docos, Reality show...yep, I have done them.

As a teenager I used to get into the local papers a bit with my representative sports and it was always a thrill to see my name there in black and white...although more often than not I was not entirely sure due to the multiple variations of the spelling of my last name. After a couple of years, I just (correctly) guessed that every last name starting with "A" or "E" and having at least nine letters following was probably mine!

Anyway, as a natural show-off, I liked to be centre of attention, and especially make people laugh. I used to get up to all sorts of high-jinks at school, clowning around, acting the fool, making wise cracks and putting myself in harm's way with both teachers and bully's alike. Feeding off the attention became a bug, and I sought out other avenues to enhance my craft.

It started with acting in class and school plays...it didn't matter if it was a period piece or a drama, you could count on me to get a laugh out of the audience one way or another. I know it must've driven Mr. B up the wall sometimes to see his masterpiece be intruded by uproarious laughter in the middle of a love scene or death! In Standard 4 (Year 6 I guess in today's conversion?) I broke all the rules by grabbing a mate's breasts (massive rubber balls stuffed down his blouse) in a bank robbery scene. Or saying "dog poohs" as I tried to explain something that was warm and mushy to another character on stage of closing night. She lost it as did the orchestra and the audience.

Even speech contests and written essays invariably had my twist of interpretation put into it, although in these guises it was normally acceptable and won me a lot of literature, English, and oration awards.

During the Navy this kind of amusement went walkabout - I tried it a couple of times with disastrous results, it seems Senior Officers have no sense of humour, however I am sure most of them had a snigger behind closed doors.

While managing the farm for Mt Albert Grammar, I was asked by a local production company if the farm could be used to shoot a music video for a local band. I of course said yes and assisted in organising various animals and sites for their shots. when they entered the wool shed for the shearing scene, they were surprised to see my electric guitar setup on the shearing board (Dianne wouldn't let me play in the house). They asked if I wanted to play in the video (playing is a loose term, it was more Britney-like in miming) and viola (not as in the small version of a violin), there Iwas for about 5 seconds playing dressed in my work getup with my black axe and pink strap - you will note that I have my smoke tucked into the machine head Ala Eric Clapton. Link to YouTube to be inserted here.

Soon after, while working for VFNZ, I was asked if I had any views on office environments, specifically bad bosses and personal relationships. I told them about the boss (hi Ian, you fat prick!) who stormed into our sales meeting one day and put a new add from the Herald on the wall looking for new staff, and in no uncertain terms said he was replacing us "useless f--kers". on relationships, I asked did they wish to talk about the senior staff member I had a ten year relationship with, or the employee I hired that I was currently in a relationship with...enough said, they put me into the Inside NZ: The Real Office. Filming took place during November and here I was, about 20kg overweight at the time, in my favourite purple shirt and purple tie, with a moustache straight from West City Choppers! I looked like a right pimp explaining how I thought VFNZ was a land-based "Love Boat". Link to YouTube to be inserted here.

The crew leaving Brisbane.

A few years back while working at VFNZ there was talk of a reality show being made by Phil Keoghan and being sponsored by Vodafone. At the time VFNZ's catch cry was "Live The Now", and the show was to be called No Opportunity Wasted (NOW). They were looking to get people to face the fears and live the moment. Well, I have a well documented phobia of spiders. Even writing this makes me sweat. It was casually mentioned by staff that I should go on it and they all got the short sharp answer. Weeks went by and via the intranet there were ads about the show looking for a "male who was scared of spiders" and I knew they were determined to get me.

L to R, back; Greg, P, Grant
front; me and Dallas

So after a fake cricket prizegiving at the Horse & Trap where I went on stage to receive my "streaking award", in walked a camera and Phil Keoghan...I had had a few drinks by this time but I was in no doubt what was going on. I had been set up by my mate Jase and partner Katie, and there in the glare of the viewer I had no shirt on!

A day later I am Aussie bound, in fact further than that, to Mitchell, a wop wop town in the middle of nowhere (in fact, nowhere would be easier to find) getting off a small plane to be faced by a couple of Aussie blokes with dead 'roos tied to the truck.

Greg, P and me about to board our shoebox to Mitchell

With me was Greg, a nearly blind guy and Petrina ("P") who was an obsessive-compulsive clean freak. We were taken even further outback (is that possible???) and were forced to spend the night around a campfire and then catching yabbies for breakky. For P it was about not having a shower, getting dirty and all that other stuff. For Greg, he got to drive a 4x4 through a mudhole navigated by myself and P, and then for me, it was facing spiders. FUCK! Needless to say, I didn't cope well, the dead Tarantula was bad enough, but the live Huntsman had me in short breaths and nearly fainting. And to this day people ask me if I was cured as a result...people, look up the word phobia and make the judgement yourself!

After the spider hunt, with local cowboys

So after all that, it was into a pub for drinky poos. Mitchell all told has 8 pubs for a population of about 1000. Now that's impressive. The cop escorting us advised of a stabbing of a man in one of them with a screw driver. Bad enough, sure, but he wandered out to his ute, grabbed a crow bar and proceeded to bash the shit out of the offender. My kind of town, just not my kind of pub!









The whole crew at the pub afterwards




The programme is obviously too big to upload, but it was typical reality TV. It is always what happens between shoots, or what is cut from the final show that makes it. It seems my cussing was too strong for the American producers so about 2hrs of footage lay on the floor (it was remarked that even Samuel L Jackson didn't say the "f" word that much).


Phil shows me how to take a self portrait



At the end of the show there is a shot of me, starkers sitting on a log. This was after the truck got stuck in the mud and me and P had to assist in getting chains to land to tow it out. So we were all wet and muddy, and me and Greg were taken to the Outback Hilton, basically a tin shower past the black stump. We lit a fire, and had a shower (I couldn't get the soap to lather, it seems you need to take the plastic wrapping off before use! So I sat on a block of wood while being interviewed about the day. Phil, the cameraman couldn't stop laughing through the interview as it seems one of my testicles could be seen hanging below my crossed legs. At this point Greg remarked that he has never been so pleased to be blind!

 


It's amazing what a few drinks can do




During the after show drinks, Phil England challenged me to walk the length of the bar, naked, for a bottle of vodka. Fair enough, but the pictures aren't being added to this blog! Needless to say, when we flew from Roma to Brisbane the next day, in-flight drinks were not served by cabin crew!



Phil (cameraman) signs the Aussie jersey -
this has been donated to the Horse & Trap

  When we were taken to Aussie, we were only to go in what we were wearing at the time of being picked up (we did get to pack a couple of other things, but for later). I had my Aussie jersey on as the setup had me thinking I was off to Brisbane that weekend to watch the Bledisloe Cup. So for the entire show I am seen in my green and gold...at the end I got the crew to sign it with the thought of donating it to the Royal Foundation for the Blind to put to Guide Dogs. I understand it sits in the Horse & Trap at this moment, and the publican, Warren Stewart, was going to donate 10c per pint to the Foundation. Good job Wazza!


I explain to Phil how to make real TV shows


I kept in touch with P for a short while afterwards, and last I heard she went to Ashburton to work as a radio DJ, Greg I have caught up with a few times in his home town of Hanmer Springs where he works the local Information centre. I have been in regular contact with Phil Keoghan by email about happenings, and trying to get onto Amazing Race (US law doesn't allow it). Steve and Phil who were part of the production crew I also keep in touch with. Phil I keep trying to sell a concept for a TV show...one day maybe.


The hero returns from Roma, QLD