Reference Letter...

I asked a boss to write a reference letter for me in looking for a new job, she just told me to write it and she would sign it. I sent her the following one, but for some reason she won't sign???

24 March 2011

Cell Block C, Rolleston Men’s Prison

Dear Sir/Madam

Re. Keith Eleftheriou

I have been Keith “The Deviant” Eleftheriou’s Case Officer for the last 7 years and apart from a few incidents early on in his internment, have found him to be a slightly above average prisoner of slightly below character.

With his parole now up for consideration, I feel he is sufficiently capable of rejoining normal society as long as he is not in any position with animals, dwarfs, social cricketers or Census Takers.

His rehabilitation for his bestiality issues have long gone and have been replaced with personal goals and projects he has taken in the ultra-high security section of the prison – as proof of his change in mind, his new motto is “you’re only gay if you take it”, and that pretty much sums this fine specimen. The rumours about his breaking this mantra in the communal showers are just speculation.

I hope that you will give him a chance at rebuilding his life and give him the opportunity to show that he is capable of anything a 12 year old could carry out, except for basic maths, English, and motor sensory perception. With his rash finally clearing, he can now hold a short conversation without drooling.

Sincerest Concerns for Your Safety

Commandant *****

Head Guard, Serious Misfit Section