Ashes 2006 - Melbourne Cricket Ground

At Akld Airport, Xmas Day

Me and a mate, Mike Batten had always talked about heading over to the Boxing Day Test in Melbourne, and in 2006 we did so. We flew out of Auckland on Xmas Day (after a few Xmas drinks at Warren Stewart's place) and the following day were sitting amongst 90,000 other spectators.

Now, this is like a religious gathering each year, but this year was special - Shane Warne was sitting on 699 Text wickets, and we wanted to be there when he got 700. Here is the photo diary of those two days.

We flew Emirates and the flight was uneventful until we were about half an hour from landing. A lady somewhere behind us had become quite ill, and to the point where she collapsed and had an involuntary movement. We were given priority landing and she was taken off the flight and then we followed. I remember being disgusted by other passengers taking photos of the woman...



Off the train and to the MCG



While we were taken to the hotel, it started pissing down and we were worried that our entire trip would be wasted, but the cabbie set us at ease by saying that the forecast was for better weather the following day and the test was expected to start on time. The big talk in town was whether the world record for a test crowd would be broken - I think it stood at a shade over 90,000, and there were indications that 98,000 to 100,000 could be done...

Being Xmas night, we couldn't find anywhere to eat. Funny the things that stick in your mind?

The next day was better (photos show the conditions) and we caught the train into the city with a stop outside the MCG. We were also meeting a work colleague of mine, Will Cavanagh who was doing The Ashes with some Pommie mates of his.



Two batting legends...



I do my best to hold the statue upright





A few beers were bought and we waited in anticipation for the teams - Aussie had won the toss and put England in...perfect, we would see Warnie bowl today, and likely before lunch.

The air is thin up here

I remember Brett Lee bowling, and the din inside the stadium, I remember thinking that it was crazy that we could only buy mid-strength beer, IN AUSSIE?!?! The queues were long, we were buying the maximum each and taking them back to our seats, but they never lasted long...

Like a bad joke - there was an Aussie, a Kiwi, a West Indian
and some Poms...



The crowd never did build to the expected 100,000, but I tell you what, with close to 90,000 the feel, the buzz, and the sound was amazing! I think about 88,000 watched that day's play.

The Aussies warm up



Shane's first delivery







First of many appeals - not out.



Then the moment arrived - Warnie was bowling. The anticipation was immense, and every ball got an oooh or ahhhh, and every appeal was met with a massive roar, and then even bigger boos aimed at the umpires when given not out. England were actually doing very well, if they had lost a wicket, it was only one, and they were scoring quite well on a green top, and even Warney appeared to struggle to get anything out of it.

Then, sort of out of nowhere, it happened. Strauss, England Captain, bowled by Shane Warne to give him 700 wickets! The reaction by him and the team was a spectacle in itself, and the noise from all who witnessed it went on, and on, and on...I think the applause lasted a good five minutes, and Warnie lapped up every second of it.

The moment - Warne lower left

Shane holds the ball up...yeah, not a bad effort I s'pose



For the sponsor...



Who the fuck is the guy on the right?????





The following day, all of us, despite having tickets decided to spend the day in local bars to watch the game. Aussie were batting at one point through the day but were in trouble - cometh the hour, cometh the man. Andrew Symonds, who was on tenterhooks for his selection, made a fantastic century which saved face for him and for Aussie. Everywhere we went there were Poms. And some of the stories about there trips Down Under were great to listen to...the one that springs to mind was the older guy who believed he wouldn't have a home to return to as his wife threatened divorce if he went on this trip...well, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do...

In Confederation Square they had set up the big screen for public viewing.

Me, Warney and Haydo

Mike, someone's behind you...

Anyway, it all had to end sometime. Me and Mike stayed that night in the airport rather than spend money on a hotel...and soon back to hum drum of domestic life back in little old NZ. We have threatened to do the trip again, but nothing eventuated. I know Mike was keen for the India tour Down Under as his hero Tendulkar would be there, but seeing as Warney (and some other big names) had retired and the team didn't hold the same lustre.

Just like he was at work...

The Mighty Gee...

Wannabe...

Music videos, TV docos, Reality show...yep, I have done them.

As a teenager I used to get into the local papers a bit with my representative sports and it was always a thrill to see my name there in black and white...although more often than not I was not entirely sure due to the multiple variations of the spelling of my last name. After a couple of years, I just (correctly) guessed that every last name starting with "A" or "E" and having at least nine letters following was probably mine!

Anyway, as a natural show-off, I liked to be centre of attention, and especially make people laugh. I used to get up to all sorts of high-jinks at school, clowning around, acting the fool, making wise cracks and putting myself in harm's way with both teachers and bully's alike. Feeding off the attention became a bug, and I sought out other avenues to enhance my craft.

It started with acting in class and school plays...it didn't matter if it was a period piece or a drama, you could count on me to get a laugh out of the audience one way or another. I know it must've driven Mr. B up the wall sometimes to see his masterpiece be intruded by uproarious laughter in the middle of a love scene or death! In Standard 4 (Year 6 I guess in today's conversion?) I broke all the rules by grabbing a mate's breasts (massive rubber balls stuffed down his blouse) in a bank robbery scene. Or saying "dog poohs" as I tried to explain something that was warm and mushy to another character on stage of closing night. She lost it as did the orchestra and the audience.

Even speech contests and written essays invariably had my twist of interpretation put into it, although in these guises it was normally acceptable and won me a lot of literature, English, and oration awards.

During the Navy this kind of amusement went walkabout - I tried it a couple of times with disastrous results, it seems Senior Officers have no sense of humour, however I am sure most of them had a snigger behind closed doors.

While managing the farm for Mt Albert Grammar, I was asked by a local production company if the farm could be used to shoot a music video for a local band. I of course said yes and assisted in organising various animals and sites for their shots. when they entered the wool shed for the shearing scene, they were surprised to see my electric guitar setup on the shearing board (Dianne wouldn't let me play in the house). They asked if I wanted to play in the video (playing is a loose term, it was more Britney-like in miming) and viola (not as in the small version of a violin), there Iwas for about 5 seconds playing dressed in my work getup with my black axe and pink strap - you will note that I have my smoke tucked into the machine head Ala Eric Clapton. Link to YouTube to be inserted here.

Soon after, while working for VFNZ, I was asked if I had any views on office environments, specifically bad bosses and personal relationships. I told them about the boss (hi Ian, you fat prick!) who stormed into our sales meeting one day and put a new add from the Herald on the wall looking for new staff, and in no uncertain terms said he was replacing us "useless f--kers". on relationships, I asked did they wish to talk about the senior staff member I had a ten year relationship with, or the employee I hired that I was currently in a relationship with...enough said, they put me into the Inside NZ: The Real Office. Filming took place during November and here I was, about 20kg overweight at the time, in my favourite purple shirt and purple tie, with a moustache straight from West City Choppers! I looked like a right pimp explaining how I thought VFNZ was a land-based "Love Boat". Link to YouTube to be inserted here.

The crew leaving Brisbane.

A few years back while working at VFNZ there was talk of a reality show being made by Phil Keoghan and being sponsored by Vodafone. At the time VFNZ's catch cry was "Live The Now", and the show was to be called No Opportunity Wasted (NOW). They were looking to get people to face the fears and live the moment. Well, I have a well documented phobia of spiders. Even writing this makes me sweat. It was casually mentioned by staff that I should go on it and they all got the short sharp answer. Weeks went by and via the intranet there were ads about the show looking for a "male who was scared of spiders" and I knew they were determined to get me.

L to R, back; Greg, P, Grant
front; me and Dallas

So after a fake cricket prizegiving at the Horse & Trap where I went on stage to receive my "streaking award", in walked a camera and Phil Keoghan...I had had a few drinks by this time but I was in no doubt what was going on. I had been set up by my mate Jase and partner Katie, and there in the glare of the viewer I had no shirt on!

A day later I am Aussie bound, in fact further than that, to Mitchell, a wop wop town in the middle of nowhere (in fact, nowhere would be easier to find) getting off a small plane to be faced by a couple of Aussie blokes with dead 'roos tied to the truck.

Greg, P and me about to board our shoebox to Mitchell

With me was Greg, a nearly blind guy and Petrina ("P") who was an obsessive-compulsive clean freak. We were taken even further outback (is that possible???) and were forced to spend the night around a campfire and then catching yabbies for breakky. For P it was about not having a shower, getting dirty and all that other stuff. For Greg, he got to drive a 4x4 through a mudhole navigated by myself and P, and then for me, it was facing spiders. FUCK! Needless to say, I didn't cope well, the dead Tarantula was bad enough, but the live Huntsman had me in short breaths and nearly fainting. And to this day people ask me if I was cured as a result...people, look up the word phobia and make the judgement yourself!

After the spider hunt, with local cowboys

So after all that, it was into a pub for drinky poos. Mitchell all told has 8 pubs for a population of about 1000. Now that's impressive. The cop escorting us advised of a stabbing of a man in one of them with a screw driver. Bad enough, sure, but he wandered out to his ute, grabbed a crow bar and proceeded to bash the shit out of the offender. My kind of town, just not my kind of pub!









The whole crew at the pub afterwards




The programme is obviously too big to upload, but it was typical reality TV. It is always what happens between shoots, or what is cut from the final show that makes it. It seems my cussing was too strong for the American producers so about 2hrs of footage lay on the floor (it was remarked that even Samuel L Jackson didn't say the "f" word that much).


Phil shows me how to take a self portrait



At the end of the show there is a shot of me, starkers sitting on a log. This was after the truck got stuck in the mud and me and P had to assist in getting chains to land to tow it out. So we were all wet and muddy, and me and Greg were taken to the Outback Hilton, basically a tin shower past the black stump. We lit a fire, and had a shower (I couldn't get the soap to lather, it seems you need to take the plastic wrapping off before use! So I sat on a block of wood while being interviewed about the day. Phil, the cameraman couldn't stop laughing through the interview as it seems one of my testicles could be seen hanging below my crossed legs. At this point Greg remarked that he has never been so pleased to be blind!

 


It's amazing what a few drinks can do




During the after show drinks, Phil England challenged me to walk the length of the bar, naked, for a bottle of vodka. Fair enough, but the pictures aren't being added to this blog! Needless to say, when we flew from Roma to Brisbane the next day, in-flight drinks were not served by cabin crew!



Phil (cameraman) signs the Aussie jersey -
this has been donated to the Horse & Trap

  When we were taken to Aussie, we were only to go in what we were wearing at the time of being picked up (we did get to pack a couple of other things, but for later). I had my Aussie jersey on as the setup had me thinking I was off to Brisbane that weekend to watch the Bledisloe Cup. So for the entire show I am seen in my green and gold...at the end I got the crew to sign it with the thought of donating it to the Royal Foundation for the Blind to put to Guide Dogs. I understand it sits in the Horse & Trap at this moment, and the publican, Warren Stewart, was going to donate 10c per pint to the Foundation. Good job Wazza!


I explain to Phil how to make real TV shows


I kept in touch with P for a short while afterwards, and last I heard she went to Ashburton to work as a radio DJ, Greg I have caught up with a few times in his home town of Hanmer Springs where he works the local Information centre. I have been in regular contact with Phil Keoghan by email about happenings, and trying to get onto Amazing Race (US law doesn't allow it). Steve and Phil who were part of the production crew I also keep in touch with. Phil I keep trying to sell a concept for a TV show...one day maybe.


The hero returns from Roma, QLD