An Interview With...Ben

Ben is a 1 year old Chocolate Lab. He has been staying here since last week while his owner, Morne who I work with has taken his boys across the coast to get out of Christchurch after the quake.



Ben and Tash...why does he always
have the grin on his face???


Me; Hi Ben, so good for you to take the time out to have this chat, I know how busy you are crapping on my lawn, and trying to impregnate my bitch.
Ben; Woof!

Now for the purpose of the interview, I will translate as best I can. My Choco is a bit scratchy having had a Black Lab of my own here, but bear with me. Some of this interview may be lost in translation and I apologise to you dog-lovers out there...

Ben; No sweat. It was getting hot anyway so a break in the shade is cool.
Me; Ha ha! If you'll excuse the pun!?
Ben; Huh?
Me; OK, sorry, let's move on. So, last Tuesday, being closer to town than my dogs, talk me through the shakes.
Ben; Oh yeah, what a wild afternoon! There I was barking through the fence at the neighbour's Siamese when I thought she had struck out at me and I was knocked back on my back. Next thing I know, all hell has broken loose and I could hear my locals yelping and barking out to everyone.
Me; Wow! That must've been pretty hectic? What did you do?
Ben; I rushed back to the fence to check on the cat I had been chatting to, and there she was rubbing her head where a pot plant fell off the fence and hit her. I thought "great, serves the smart-arse right".


Ben and his wandering eye...

 Me; OK...so what brings you out here to the country?
Ben; That bastard owner of mine and his annoying little brats...don't get me wrong, I love being here, but I can't believe they didn't take me with them. So I left a little leaving present in the truck!
Me: What, you'd rather be on the Coast?
Ben; Nah...it's just I wish I was there as they don't realise I can break into the house and steal food, and beers. You have pretty tight security here.
Me; And what you been doing while you're here?
Ben; Well me and your biarch, Tash, have been getting on, but every time I try to show her a good time, she snaps at me. What? Am I moving too fast?
Me; Ben, you tried to hump her within 20mins of being here!
Ben; Oh, is that not how it's done? My owner, he makes moves before the girls give their name...certainly before he's paid for them.
Me; Ummmm, right, moving on.
Ben; Hey, and I'm loving the feed. What's that thing you do with my bikkies?
Me; What? I put them in a bowl...
Ben; Well, hey, that's cool, that's pretty swanky. (Looking at Scuzzy) Oi! What ya up to? Want me to show you a good time?
Me; Rightio...let's wrap it up there...
Ben: What did I say???

Animal Farm

Animals, animals, animals, animals...everywhere!!!

I have had a lot of pets over the years...a couple of mongrel dogs called Bill (not much thought into their name obviously), a cat called Smokey comes to mind, a Budgie whose name escapes me (if I did in fact name it), and briefly, some cockabullies I caught in the Blythe River when I was young.


I love animals, and strongly support the SPCA to the point where I won't give to other charities as people (to an extent) have the ability to speak up, defend themselves, and have more support services to lean on than animals do...the SPCA is in my will to receive my whole estate should the tragic event of me, my wife, and our two kids were to be erased...let's hope not eh?


Anyways......I currently have in my stable of fine steeds...

 



Scuz and Tash - probably
waiting for dinner





Scuz, three days after what transpired
to be a White Tail bite

• Scuzzy - American Staffy X, about 10 years old now, my little baby. I inherited her from a friend when I managed a farm in Auckland as he 'found' her as she wandered through his fence from a property of disrepute...I was concerned as I had many small animals and a lot of kids visiting my farm at the time so was concerned for the reputation this breed has. But to prove me wrong, and many others since, this is the best, most loyal dog you can get.
• Tash - a 1 year old Black Lab, who is your stereotypical Labrador!!!! When we moved to CHCH from Auckland, it seemed Scuzzy didn't transition so well despite having 2 acres to run, so we discussed getting a companion. At the Oxford Markets one Sunday, a lady selling food no less, had two Black Lab pups and Katie fell in love! By the time we got back home she was on the phone buying her. She moved in Xmas day last year and our eldest daughter (5 at the time) said "Look! One of the reindeer has had a baby and left it for us!". Priceless. Due to Tash we did get to 'meet' most of our new neighbours....
 



Frydhey & Sydney -
no doubt waiting for dinner

 



Frydhey, just checking if it is
dinner time yet



• Frydhey (aka Black Frydhey) - black and white tom, getting near on 15 years now, still sprightly and seemingly healthy. Brother of...
• Sydney - tortoise shell that came from the SPCA in Auckland. I admit I am more of a cat person, they have an air of grace, while giving off an attitude. They don't need as much attention, and they are great comfort as they lay beside on you on the couch (sofa to you Americans) or on the bed. She-Indoors doesn't let them have that privilege anymore. These two got their names from an incentive my work was holding at the time. I was in Used Car Sales, and the incentive was to hit personal target three months in a row to get a trip to Sydney paid for for two. This coincided with me wanting to fly over for my dad's 50th and he lived in Sydney, and I had booked the flights for Friday the Thirteenth, hence Black Frydhey (look, it's my cat, I will spell it how I want).

• Somewhere in the region of 100 fish - colds and tropicals - these can be viewed on www.WetDreamz.co.nz.

In memoriam...or just lost contact.

• Smokey - cat I had when I was about 10 in Cheviot. MIA. Notable achievement, dragging a bloody big possum onto our front lawn it had seemingly killed. Took on an air of that psycho cat in Pet Semetary.
• Unnamed Budgie - about the same time. Dead. No great loss, didn't do much anyway.
• Various tadpoles and cockabullies taken form the creek on the farm. Died horrible deaths as I didn't know how to care for them. Sorry. Started my fascination with fish though...I know, tadpoles aren't fish!!!
• Lucy - short-haired Collie I had as sheep dog in Auckland. Had her for a year, but when I left the farm it wasn't fair to keep her in the 'burbs, so we sold her. She was a good girl.
• Bill I - German Shepherd when we first moved to Cheviot. Don't really remember much of him, I was a tot.
• Bill II - mongrel dog we owned in Cheviot which had a skill of slipping his collar and disappearing for the day. After it was found he had killed a lamb in the back blocks, his fate was sealed.
• Pete and Tan - eye dogs for shed work and tailing. Classic old workers. Miss you.
• Clayton & Jock - huntaways for working the back blocks. Great big old buggars. Miss you too.
• Moss - semi-huntaway and semi-shed worker. shaggy thing that required to be shorn with sheep. Don't miss you so much.
• Samoyed - can't remember the name - bought it for a girlfriend...geez, the bloody thing didn't stop yapping. She gave it back, and I sold it to a breeder.
• Lucy - short-haired Border Collie - my sheep dog when working at Mt Albert Grammar. Great working dog, and pet. Sold her when I left the farm as it is not fair to have this breed in the 'burbs.
• Itchy - Kune Kune (Potbelly) pig - was the runt of a litter from a sow I had at Mt Albert Grammar. Hand reared it and it became a pet. It used to come through the dog door for feeding, went to cricket matches with me, and used to chase and fetch a ball too! Gave him away to a friend who owned some acreage in Sth Auckland where at last news was definately no runt.
• Scotty The Highland Bull (original name huh?) - was the resident celebrity at Mt Albert. Huge bastard of a thing, he was docile enough to let kids sit on his back. I remember once at home and my young girl said that Scotty was 'out'. When I looked out the window, he had picked the steel frame gate off the hinges and bent it in half in order for some 'rutting'!!! Hairy attempts to get him back in! He was old to a mate when he started getting too old and tetchy, and was sold to the works.
• Warney - Wessex pig - was donated to Mt Albert from Auckland Zoo as he was too big to reside there. He was NZ's largest pig. I named him this as a local bakery provided me crates of expired pies and pasteries - "who ate oll the pies?" Shot by local pig hunter - I was gutted (so was he).
• Dennis - my Pleco. The longest living fish I ever had. Came with me through three house moves over a few years, but his travel bag popped on the final move south to CHCH last year. RIP buddy.
• Dr. Seuss - Black Moor (cold water fish) - strictly my daughter's fish, but as she didn't look after it, it may as well have been mine. He survived the move down here, but got sick (unknown condition) and he had to take the final flush goodbye.